Lucifer Is Coming
by Dustfingers-Angel
Summary: (OC fic) Sam has accidentally broken the final seal and now Lucifer is getting out of the Cage and all Hell's breaking loose. With Lucifer topside Mavriel's on edge, terrified that with the apocalypse round the corner, all of her secrets are about to be thrown out in the open. Disclaimer; I don't own Supernatural. Part of my Mavriel series. Season 5. Fully editted.
1. Lucifer Rising

"Dean," I called as I saw him, "What's going on?"

"It's Sam - he doesn't know what he's doing, he's going to open the Cage, he's going to free Lucifer."

I froze, fear, panic and a sudden loneliness came over me. How? How could it be possible? He's really going to come back? I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't allow him to ruin everything here - I couldn't let him make Earth like the Cage. I couldn't let him control me again. I wouldn't let him control me again. I had learned now, I had been taught the difference between my life in the Cage and how I should have been able to live. This world was right, the Cage had been wrong; Lucifer had been wrong. Despite being kidnapped from the Cage, I was granted freedom on Earth.

I couldn't let Lucifer take that away.

~x~x~

When we got to Sam it was too late. The building trembled and the ground shook. "Sam," I yelled. I begged him, "Get over here!"

He ran round the body of Lilith, to Dean and I. Light erupted from the blood sigil on the floor, instinctively I pushed the boys behind me - they didn't know, they couldn't understand fully exactly what this meant. They had no idea of the danger.

The light filled the hall, and a loud ringing rose in our ears, louder and louder until I could have screamed. Then it all faded.

XXX

I was lying down, on a bed? No, a bench? Or the floor? My body felt stiff, my head was sore. Nothing felt _real, _but everything was too solid to be a dream. I opened my eyes to see depthless white. I shut my eyes again, preferring the darkness to the confusing white.

"Mavriel" _I was imagining it. I had to be. He couldn't be..._ "Mavriel, I'm here" his voice was soft, comforting. It washed over me like fog. My muscles relaxed, the pain in my head left me - I felt peaceful, but it was only so deep - I was still aware of the panic in my heart. The fear that had been rising within me was remaining strong, but something was forcing it down again, Lucifer was forcing it down... so he could control me again.

"You can't..." I muttered, my voice weak, "You can't be here, you can't..."

"Look at me Mavriel, I'm here" a hand gently brushed my hair back from my face. I felt any will power I once had had, leave me. My subconsciousness was screaming at me to run, but he wasn't allowing it.

I caught his hand as I opened my eyes. He smiled. Lucifer sat by my side, on the wide platform I was lying on. He leant slightly over me, clothed in white. He was beautiful, he looked so pure; how could he look so pure?

"L-Lucifer" his name caught in my throat. Everything I knew about him flooded my mind - everything from the Cage, everything I'd learned since. He was dangerous, unpredictable, overbearing. He created me. He loved me. He controlled me.

"I told you I was here, Lamb. I'm with you"

A wave of adoration came over me, it made me sick to my soul. I began to sit up, hesitantly, silently asking for his permission, but he sat back to allow me. "I... I m- I missed you" I whispered. I felt like I was in a trance. "I missed you, Lucifer, I- I missed you" words tumbled off my tongue. I knew that was all he wanted to hear. I wanted to bite off my tongue to make the words stop.

Calmly Lucifer ran a hand through my hair, a soft smile on his face, "My beautiful Lamb. They stole you from me, but we're together now, we're together and we're strong. I have missed you so very much Mavriel, it was maddening being apart, but you're here now, we're together now" His fingers traced over my arms, down to my wrists, my palms, my fingertips. My skin tingled under his touch - it made my skin crawl.

"You... you're not... You don't have- you're not in a vessel?" my mind struggled to get out the questions I needed answered. I needed to know who his vessel was, so I could stop him.

"No, Lamb, we're seeing each other as our graces, our souls - we can see each other as purity, not as physical beings."

I nodded, not following entirely. I was buzzed, like I was bordering on the edge of drunkenness. But then the world began to spin, I faltered, blinking, my head spinning "Wh- what's...?"

"You have to go back now, Lamb."

"Lucifer" In my panic I called out for him.

"It isn't your fault, what's going to happen. It's not your fault"

Everything was dimming, I fell backwards, lying staring up at him with tunnel vision, "What's not my fault?"

"The Winchesters, Mavriel - they are the vessels, Sam is mine, Dean is Michael's. It's not your fault." Suddenly there was darkness.


	2. Good God, Y'All

I woke with a start, gasping for breath. I quickly realised I was lying across the back seats of the Impala. I felt unwell, and... _dirty_ \- it was like having been in Lucifer's presence - even though it wasn't even physically - it had left me with this _grime_, this unclean feeling that was clinging to me... There was an unease that sat in my very soul. I let out a shuddering breath, trying to compose myself. _That was too close. That was wrong. I shouldn't be near him, I shouldn't let him near me. What is he capable of? _God, I wanted to throw up.

I sat up slowly, my head spinning. The door opened, "… _Mav?_"

Looking up I saw him and I let out a shaky breath, "Dean" I put my feet down on the floor.

Dean quickly sat down beside me, shutting the door. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a non-to-gentle kiss to my lips. "Where have you _been_?"

Where _had_ I been? "I… I don't really know" I said quietly.

"Mav, it's been _weeks!_"

I frowned - surely it had only been a few hours. "What? Weeks? Dean, what's happened?" I sat back, Dean's hands still on my waist and shoulder.

He swallowed, "Well…"

"Dean"

"The horsemen have came to Earth…" there was a look in his eyes - there was something else, and it was hurting him.

"And?" He just looked at me, "Dean, what else?"

"Sam's gone."

"What?" I took his hand, "What happened?"

"He left"

I stared for a second, "Oh Dean" I hugged him.

For a few moments there was silence, and slowly everything that was going on came to me and started to threaten to overwhelm me. "What happened to you? _Seriously_, Mav you disappeared - you're phone was ringing out, we though you were _dead_."

I laughed a little, trying to get a grip and not cry, "Well, I'm not" I offered with a smile, Dean pulled me close to his side, one arm around my waist. I took a breath, considering telling him everything then and there, "Where are you staying?"

"Motel, about five minutes from here, I'll take you back, get you a drink"

"...Yeah"

He kissed my forehead, "Thank God you're back"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Dean held the door open for me then got me a drink. I'd managed to pull myself together a bit - I needed to figure out how to tell him, somehow without traumatising him or making him hate me. I sat back on the bed, taking a mouthful of beer. "Dean"

"Yeah" he sat, leaning against the board at the bottom of the bed.

Again, I considered telling him everything, Lucifer, the Cage, everything… but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Everything's going to be okay"

"Is it now?" He retorted sarcastically.

"We can fix this, okay? Send the Horsemen back to wherever they're from, stop the apocalypse - we _can_ do it, Dean" He sighed. "Dean, come on, look at me. We are capable of fixing this, we _are_"

Taking another mouthful of beer, he nodded, "I hope so"

I couldn't help but stare at him, how dejected he looked sitting at the end of the bed. "Come here Dean" He looked at me questioningly. "Come up here" I patted the space beside me. He rolled his eyes but it didn't take him long to crawl to my side. He lay back against my shoulder, one arm around the small of my back. We sat in silence drinking our beer, a million things i wanted to say firing through my mind.

Once the two bottles had been launched across the room into the bin Dean yawned. "It's the middle of the night, let's get to bed." He muttered.

"Where's my stuff?"

"In the Impala, I'll get it" he kissed my cheek and hopped down off the bed, "two minutes."

I watched him walk out the door, then a wave of nausea hit me. I jumped up from the bed and rushed to the toilet, throwing up everything in my stomach. My muscles felt weak as I forced myself back to my feet, flushing the toilet. I picked up the glass on the edge of the sink, filling it with water. I heard Dean coming back in, he called on me.

"Just getting a glass of water" I called back, hiding that there was anything wrong.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine - two secs" I drank down the water, then looked into the mirror. I looked like shit. Quickly I composed myself. I couldn't Dean know yet - he had enough to worry about without me.

I smiled as I left the bathroom, Dean passed me my bag. Once we changed, we quickly got into bed. I was exhausted. Dean wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him, "Damn Mav, I missed you" I pressed back against him, snuggling in and pulling the covers tight around us. He kissed my neck, "Please don't leave like that again"

I turned in his arms to face him, "I'll do my best."

He cupped my cheek, looking into my eyes, "I mean it, we need you around, I- I need you around" he pressed a soft kiss to my lips, a strong arm pulled me close to him, as if he was going to protect me. I smiled as I curled up against him, but the thought of Lucifer was pressing against the back of my mind. They weren't safe, Sam, wherever he was, and Dean, even though he was lying by my side; neither was safe now, not if they truly were the vessels.

It took me several hours to fall asleep that night. My heart was racing with a general panic, my head was thumping. Nausea still came back every now and again in waves - though I only had to run to be sick twice through the night. Luckily Dean was sound asleep. I wanted to run - run away and never look back and hide somewhere Lucifer wouldn't find me. But I had to stay, for Dean, and Sam.


	3. Interlude 1

_"Mavriel, Mavriel Lamb, talk to me - I'm right here, talk to me" his voice was inside my head, coming from every direction at once and from none at all at the same time._

_"Lucifer?" I frowned, there was nothing to see, endless white overwhelmed my senses._

_"Well, I'm not in the room with you, but I _am_ here, in your mind. I'm always with you"_

_I searched around me, trying to find him even though I knew he wasn't there, "I need to think Lucifer. Give me some time to think"_

_"About what? What is there to think about?" he sounded upset, confused, "It's _us_ \- it was always us, now we're together again. Why do you need to think about that?"_

_Frantically I shook my head, "Y-you've changed-"_

_"No." He interrupted, his voice forceful, "_I've_ not changed, not at all... let me show you I'm the same as I've always been"_

_"Luce..."_

_"Let me _prove_ now much I love you, how much I want to be with you." his voice was louder now, overpowering any thought "You'll see - you'll see I've not changed. _We've_ not changed, Mavriel. We'll be together again, just like it was in the Cage. Now we're together again, _no-one_ will stand in our way."_

xxx

I snapped awake. My heart was racing and a thin layer of sweat covered my brow. I clenched my teeth, sucking in air as I tried to calm back down. Dean had slept on, completely unaware. I lay on my side, staring ahead at him. He looked calm and content. There was nothing I could do to save him, nothing at all, I knew that. If Lucifer truly was the person I'd learned about - manipulative, fierce, dangerous, sly - then Dean, fuck, and Sam even more so, were screwed. And even if he was the man that I remembered, I had little faith that things would be better.

The next day we moved on, went to the next hunt and I tried to ignore Lucifer's voice in my head. During the day it was easy to block him out, but at night... It was so hard. I tried several times to get in touch with Sam, but he wasn't returning my texts or calls. It was getting frustrating, I just wanted to make sure that where ever he was he was safe. One night I came back to the motel to see Dean hanging up his phone. I'd asked who it was. It'd been Sam - the younger Winchester wanted to team up, get back together again, the three of us. Dean had refused.I didn't say anything. I let him deal with his decision himself, I didn't want to make anything worse, but I was scared for Sam. We'd cuddled up and gone to sleep, but in the morning Dean had gone.


	4. 2014

_Dean walked through the desolate streets. His future self was dead, so was the future Cas, and everyone else that had come with them. His mind was racing, his heart pounding in his chest - of all the things he'd seen in 2014, nothing could have prepared him for this. He continued on, for no reason other than he wasn't sure what else to do. He turned a corner and tensed in panic when he saw a person._

_He stepped forward carefully taking aim. It was a woman. Her long dark hair was plaited down her back, a white ribbon tying it. She was wearing a white dress too, it was knee length, lacy with another ribbon around the waist. On her feet she was wearing little white shoes, with bows. She was pale. She looked so clean, not a speck of dirt on her skin or clothes. As Dean took another step closer she let out a soft sigh, and looked back over her shoulder. Her eyes, one green, one blue, caught his; she spoke quietly, tiredly, "Hello Dean"_

_"Mav!" he lowered his gun._

_"Shh," she said softly, turning to face him, "there's no need to shout"_

_Dean rushed forward, holding her arms - Mavriel flinched away, frightened by such a sudden action. Dean shook his head, "What happened to you?"_

_"Lucifer" she said bluntly, her voice still soft. "Where are you at? Zachariah sent you from the past, yes? What's happened so far?"_

_Dean blinked, taking a moment to process what she'd said, "You just turned up again, Sam's still away - Mav, what's he done to you?" he urged._

_"You don't know anything yet" she mumbled under her breath, "I've not told you yet"_

_"Told me what? _Mav?_"_

_"I'll be angry if I tell you now" she sighed, looking at the ground and playing with the hem of her dress, "but you need to know."_

_"Mavriel, what do I need to know?"_

_She looked up at him anxiously, "Please don't be angry Dean, please - it won't help"_

_"Can't make any promises right now," he grumbled, "Mav, tell me"_

_"Lucifer created me. In the Cage. In Hell." she paused, watching his reaction. Dean's eye's were wide but he said nothing, "We were lovers, until I was taken from Hell. Lucifer has control over me, Dean - he twists and pulls at everything and I can do nothing. Dean, you need to know-"_

_"Mavriel" a soft, threatening voice interrupted her. Mavriel's eyes widened, she cowered, making herself smaller. "Come here"_

_Dean looked past her to see... Sam? No, _Lucifer_._

_Mavriel turned and walked over to him - Lucifer stood tall in Sam's vessel, wearing a crisp, clean white suit. Sure, he looked like Sam, but every action was off, it was wrong, it wasn't hard for Dean to see that this wasn't his brother. Mav stood in front of Lucifer, her head bowed. Lucifer shook his head slightly, then tilted his head to the side - with one finger under Mavriel's chin, her raised her face to see his own. She looked up at him and waited - would he be harsh, or would he mock her, or would he simply act like she'd done nothing wrong? She could never guess, which always made her fearful when she was near him._

_But Lucifer leant down and kissed her, easily dominating any will she had - Dean watched on, his feeling a mix of digust, pity, fear and anger. He watched as Mavriel relaxed into Lucifer's touch, as she gave in._


	5. The End

_"What have you done with Mav, you son of a bitch" Dean growled for the umpteenth time, seeing as the Trickster refused to answer him. They'd woken up to find her missing, now they were in what appeared to be on a cheesy TV studio set, "I swear to God if you've hurt her I will-"_

_"Kill me?" the shorter man laughed, "You tried that _twice _already, didn't work. Besides, Mav is having a _great_ time, probably relaxing right now with lots of chocolate and soft sheets"_

_"Tell us where she is" Sam demanded. She hadn't told Sam yet about the trouble with Lucifer, there hadn't been a good moment since the three of them met back up._

_"She's back at my place, no need to worry" he replied with a smug grin._

_"Listen here" Dean barked. The Trickster rolled his eyes and with a click of his fingers, he left. "_Bitch_" Dean muttered._

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Gabriel appeared from nowhere, his lips on mine as he held me close. "Hello my gorgeous, _sexy_, sweet little thing." He muttered against my lips, "you have no idea how long I've been waiting to get those two knuckleheads out of the way so I could have you all to myself"

I laughed, resigning myself to the fact that I'd be subject to Gabe's antics for the next while. I looped my arms around his shoulders, "What on Earth do you think you're playing at now, Sugar?"

He held me close, his hands on my waist, that cheeky, naughty smirk on his lips, "You need a break, and I want you... And I'm sure those boys can do without you for a while?"

"And how long's a while, Gabe?" I shook my head but I was smiling.

He grinned, tilting his head to one side and making a silly face. But then he turned a little more serious, a little more sweet, "Come now, Sweetheart, you know if there was ever a time we needed a distraction it's now."

"Well, I guess that is true" I nuzzled my forehead against the corner of his neck and shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. Gabriel had become my comforter yet again throughout the last while, reassuring me while Lucifer walked on Earth. I forced a smile, "Well, what have you got planned? I don't trust you to have nothing up your sleeve"

"Mmm, you know me _sooo_ well" With a flutter of wings we were sitting in the middle of the bed, me sitting in Gabriel's lap, leaning back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around my stomach, pressing kisses to my neck. "I have many things up my sleeve, Mav, but today, there is;" he paused dramatically, "chocolate, wine, a very fine bed, chocolate flavoured wine, peace and quiet - and me, and you"

"Oh yeah? I think I can cope with that." I smiled, sighing as he kissed the spot just behind my ear, "I think we should start with the wines"

"Alright, then after I want to smother you in chocolate and lick it off again"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

_"I can't keep _doing_ this" Dean whined, staring around the new location._

_"You heard what he said, we've got to play our parts." Sam replied with a sigh._

_"I don't give a damn, this is bull," Dean growled, "And what's he done with Mav and Cas? Cas looked pretty beat when he showed, but we've not even seen Mav around here."_

_Sam sighed, then furrowed his brow, a curious thought coming to mind. "Dean, every time we go up against this thing, Mav never gets targeted. And, not like I don't trust her but, Mav doesn't always tell us everything. Maybe the Trickster is telling the truth"_

_Dean froze slightly while his brother had said that she 'doesn't always tell us everything'. But he continued, "And what? She's chilling somewhere eating chocolate? I don't trust him."_

_"Neither do I, but you've heard Mav joke about Tricksters before - maybe she does know something she's not telling us."_

_Realisation struck Dean, along with a slight anger "Damn it" The older brother turned to look at his sibling, "What was it she always used to saying? 'Just because I'm not saying anything doesn't mean I don't know'. She knows the bloody Trickster doesn't she?"_

_Sam considered it for a moment, before nodding, "It would add up"_

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I dipped my fingers in the melted chocolate and smeared it across Gabriel's neck. I leant in, licking and sucking it off again. Gabriel hummed happily. I rested back, lying by his side - both of us had stripped down to our underwear some time ago. Taking my hand, he slowly sucked my fingers until there was no chocolate left. "I knew this was going to get messy" he said with a smirk.

I beamed, sufficiently distracted as my fingers trailed down his chest. "It's your fault, it was your idea"

He grinned and pushed me onto my back, dripping one finger in chocolate and using it to draw a large cartoony sun onto my stomach, smiley face included. He lay between by legs, propping himself up on on his elbows, leaning over me as he kissed and licked and bit and sucked the chocolate off my skin. I moaned quietly as the heat from his lips pressed against my tummy. I tangled my fingers gently in his hair, my other hand on his arm. I watched him gently remove all traces of chocolate from me before sitting up again, crawling over me and kissing me, the taste of chocolate still on his lips.

I sat up, my hands on his waist, eyes locked. Gabriel's honey coloured eyes captivated me. He said, "One of these days I'm taking you away. It's just going to be us. We're going to go anywhere and everywhere, enjoy ourselves again. It's been _so_ long since we did that."

I smiled and buried my face in his chest, "I know. We'll go to London first - I miss London."

"It's a date" We curled up together, legs tangled, his arms around me. "You're going to be okay, I'm going to keep you safe, I promise Mav"

"Thank you Gabe" I said quietly, burying my head in his shoulder.

"It's okay, I'm here for you. Especially when it's Lucifer that's the problem"

I kissed his cheek, "You're wonderful, Gabe, you're brilliant"

"You know just this once, I'll refrain from making an egotistical comment."

I laughed quietly, "Thanks" He kissed me delicately, running his fingers through my hair. After a moment, I asked, "Gabe, honey?"

"Yeah?"

"What have you done to the Winchesters?"

He rolled his eyes, "Even _now_ they're ruining the mood."

"Gabe, they're my boys - what have you done? Please tell me you've not killed Dean again."

He sighed, "No-one's dead, sweetheart, I'm just teaching them a lesson."

"Which is?"

"They need to play their parts. Then all of this will be over, and we can go enjoy ourselves without fear of the apocalypse, or worse, Lucifer" I sighed and curled in tighter against him.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Gabriel stood in the centre of a ring of holy fire. The Winchesters had trapped him, threatened him, and in doing so thoroughly pissed me off. Gabriel had done so much for me, especially so recently, it got to me that they had tried to hurt him again. Gabriel had explained it all to them once they figured out that the man they knew as 'The Trickster' was actually an angel. He told them how he really was, what was really going on. "So where's Mav?" Sam asked sternly.

Gabe rolled his eyes, "Wherever she _wants_ to be"

I spoke seriously, "Which would be right here" I walked into the room and Sam and Dean turned to see me, relief showing on their faces. I walked right past them, through the flames to Gabriel's side. He smiled and I tip-toed up, kissing him on the cheek, his hands resting on my waist. I turned back to the boys, Gabe standing behind me, his arms across my stomach. "Go ahead, say something" I said boldly.

"You two…?"

"Know each other?" I said sarcastically, "Are friends?"

"_Very good_ friends" Gabriel added with a smirk.

"What's the problem Dean?" I asked bitterly. I could see it in his eyes, a mix of jealousy, confusion and anger.

"I don't get it. So you two are like that" he crossed his fingers over in gesture, "but you still quiet happily get into bed with me, and then with Sam?" He gestured to Sam and himself, "What, one guy not good enough for you?"

"You've never complained before." I retorted. Gabriel chuckled quietly, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Are _you're_ okay with that?" He asked Gabriel.

"I _encourage_ it. We're close, but I'm not the only one - I know that. Nothing to be _'not okay'_ with. As long as she's happy"

"Way to take the moral high ground" Sam snarked.

"Just 'cause you're jealous" Gabe mocked.

Dean took a start forward, but Sam caught his arm. "So you two have been together for…?"

"A _long_ time" I answered.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing." Gabe accused.

I rolled my eyes.

The look on Dean's face was one of utter disgust. I rubbed my thumb over the back of Gabriel's hand and he hugged me closer to him. "What's the problem, really Dean? This isn't about who I'm sleeping with, I know that and so do you. I get it, Gabe screwed around with you and Sam a few times, but no-one was actually hurt. And now, what? Jealously, anger, confusion - get over yourself, seriously. We've got bigger things to deal with than this"

"Yeah, like Lucifer - thanks for explaining that whole situation to us"

"What?" Sam asked.

"Ask her. It's not my place to say." Dean growled.

Gabe tensed, furious, "Don't you _dare_ blame this on her, it was _your_ brother who let him out, Dean. Now Mav has to deal with this crap because of it! She doesn't have to tell _you_ anything! She doesn't have to do anything for you!" Gabriel stepped around me, all but screaming at Dean.

I took his hand, my eyes fixed down on the floor. I spoke quietly, but sternly, "Enough shouting Gabe, leave it"

He growled, wrapping an arm around me as he glared at the Winchesters, "No-one gets to talk to you like that"

"Yeah, it's okay" I turned my head, flashing a look at the Winchesters. "Just relax, honey"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, brushing my hair back from my face. When he spoke, he was agitated, annoyed and upset; he looked back at Sam and Dean, "It's always going to be you two though. That's what you've got to understand - ever since Daddy flipped on the lights around here, us angels always knew it was going to end with you, _always_. Why do you think I took such an interest in you two? It all ends when one of you kills the other."

"No" Dean said, "That's not going to happen"

Gabriel shook his head slightly, "I'm sorry, but it _is_" he sighed, slumped his shoulders and took my hand again, "Guys, I _wish_ this were a tv show, easy answers, endings all wrapped up in a bow. But this is _real_, and it's going to end bloody for all of us, that's just how it's got to be." The Winchesters looked away, at the wall or the floor, trying not to catch our eyes. I knew Gabriel was right, I just hoped something else could work out. "All we can hope for is some of us get out better off than the others" he added, looking at me seriously. But then he put on a smile and looked back to Sam and Dean, "So, boys, now what? We going to stare at each other for the rest of eternity?" Gabe said, his sarcasm coming crashing back.

"Well _first_, you're going to bring back Cas, wherever you've stashed him"

"Oh am I?" He retorted.

"Yeah" Dean growled.

I elbowed him in the ribs, "_Gabe - _don't make this worse"

He sighed, "Okay" he smiled at me before clicking his fingers, making Cas appear. He looked dazed and confused for a moment before locking eyes on Gabriel, he took a step towards him, but Dean caught his attention, "Cas, you okay?" Dean asked.

"Yeah" he said, staring at Gabe and I, "Hello Gabriel" he growled.

"Hey Bro" Gabe replied cheerily. "How's the search for Daddy going? Let's guess, _awful_"

Cas glared. "Don't start" I warned him.

"We're leaving" Dean said, turning and walking away with Sam and Cas.

"What? You leaving your girl behind?" Gabe called mockingly. They didn't answer.

"I'll catch up with you in a few days - I've got the feeling each of you have a few choice words to say to me, so I'll wait until we've all cooled down a bit" I didn't like the arguing, if I left with them now I'd never hear the end of the anger from them, a few days apart would do a bit of good.

"Fine" Dean muttered lowly, he stopped at the door, turning back to us. "But Gabriel, this isn't about some _prize fight_ between your brothers, or some _destiny_ that can't be stopped, this is about _you_ being _too afraid_ to stand up to _your own family_" Gabe stood stiffly beside me, I squeezed his hand, running my thumb over the back of his hand. Dean shattered the fire alarm, setting of the sprinkler system in the warehouse. "Don't say I never did anything for you" he quipped before leaving with Sam and Cas, both of whom looked back over there shoulder at me as the left, their eyes meeting mine. Cas lingered a few moments longer.

Gabriel was tense - angry and self righteous. He could be dangerous when he was like this. He sighed, strained. Then all the windows shattered. I jumped a little. "Sorry" Gabe mumbled, his shoulders relaxing a bit. We stood side by side like that until the fire went out. We were soaked to the skin, but Gabriel took care of that. "They're dicks" he muttered.

"Yeah, so are we though" He nodded but he was distant, still staring into space. I stepped round in front of him, trying to get him to look at me, "Gabe, are you alright? Talk to me."

"I'm fine Sweetheart," he said, trying to brush it off.

I took his hands, tugging his hands gently as I tried to get him to look at me, "No you're not. Gabriel, look at me - talk to me, please. Let's go, sit down and talk. You are _not_ okay. Just talk to me, please, Gabe"

He took a deep breath and sighed softly, "Just the trouble with my bros, a lot to get me down." He smiled sadly

"I know, but you can talk to me about it, right. I understand them too you know"

Finally he looked down at me, "I know, I know - just didn't want you dealing with my crap along with yours."

"And I have told you to stop doing that, for a very long time now. I'll take everything you throw at me and more - and I _want_ to. I'm here for you"

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight as he buried his head in my shoulder. "Thank you, Mav, thank you so much"


	6. Interlude 2

Things appeared to be okay. Dean seemed to accept my past with Lucifer, occasionally he asked me questions about Lucifer and I, small things - like, he wanted to make sure that Lucifer had never hurt me, or how I felt about seeing him again. So I answered him as honestly as I could - of course there were things I couldn't tell him yet. There were still things he wouldn't understand yet.

Since I'd got back and Dean found me, my phone had been going off nearly constantly. Balthazar had been texting me at least twice a day to make sure I was safe and I didn't need anything - I told him to keep out of this as much as possible, I didn't want him near Lucifer, I didn't want him at risk. Crowley was near hysterical. He phoned occasionally just to vent because he was stressed out about what would happen to Hell, but it seemed that Lucifer was more interested in Earth for the time being. Crowley would rant for 90% of the conversation before making sure there was anything that he could help me with. But most of the time, it was Gabriel.

Obviously he was aware of what was going on, he understood better than anyone - Lucifer had once been his brother, they had been close before Lucifer fell. And he was worried. He didn't want Lucifer anywhere near me. He'd been devastated when I told him that Lucifer had got inside my head - he'd wanted to come and get me, to take me away, but I wouldn't let him. Sam and Dean needed me.

Because yeah, Sam was back with us now. We'd more or less sorted things through. I'd been so relieved to see him. Since we'd got back together, I had tried exactly nine time to tell Sam about Lucifer and I, and every time I tried something got in the way - he was too tired and I didn't want to cause him any lack of sleep, I'd start then a phone would go off and we'd get distracted, or just the look of stress and underlying fear on his face would stop me from giving him another burden to carry. I wanted to tell him but I couldn't.

I was sharing a bed with Sam that night - I couldn't sleep, I was awake and texting Gabriel. I was beginning to feel it, the stress and anxiety and mounting fear, feel it rising to the surface. I wanted to vent, and I wanted a distraction, and I wanted to just pretend that this all wasn't happening and at the same time I was desperate to keep the Winchesters safe, and I told Gabriel that. The text I got in reply read;

**Don't you worry Sweetheart - I've got an idea ;) xxxxx -Gabe**


	7. Changing Channels

"What have you done with Mav, you son of a bitch" Dean growled for the umpteenth time, seeing as the Trickster refused to answer him. They'd woken up to find her missing, now they were in what appeared to be on a cheesy TV studio set, "I swear to God if you've hurt her I will-"

"Kill me?" the shorter man laughed, "You tried that _twice_ already, didn't work. Besides, Mav is having a _great_ time, probably relaxing right now with lots of chocolate and soft sheets"

"Tell us where she is" Sam demanded. She hadn't told Sam yet about the trouble with Lucifer, there hadn't been a good moment since the three of them met back up.

"She's back at my place, no need to worry" he replied with a smug grin.

"Listen here" Dean barked. The Trickster rolled his eyes and with a click of his fingers, he left. "_Bitch_" Dean muttered.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Gabriel appeared from nowhere, his lips on mine as he held me close. "Hello my gorgeous, _sexy_, sweet little thing." He muttered against my lips, "you have no idea how long I've been waiting to get those two knuckleheads out of the way so I could have you all to myself"

I laughed, resigning myself to the fact that I'd be subject to Gabe's antics for the next while. I looped my arms around his shoulders, "What on Earth do you think you're playing at now, Sugar?"

"You need a break, and I want you... And I'm sure those boys can do without you for a while?"

"And how long's a while, Gabe?"

He grinned, tilting his head to one side and making a silly face. But then he turned a little more serious, a little more sweet, "Come now, Sweetheart, you know if there was ever a time we needed a distraction it's now."

"Well, I guess that is true" I nuzzled my forehead against the corner of his neck and shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. Gabriel had become my comforter yet again throughout the last while, reassuring me while Lucifer walked on Earth. I forced a smile, "Well, what have you got planned? I don't trust you to have nothing up your sleeve"

"Mmm, you know me _sooo_ well" With a flutter of wings we were sitting in the middle of the bed, me sitting in Gabriel's lap, leaning back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around my stomach, pressing kisses to my neck. "I have many things up my sleeve, Mav, but today, there is;" he paused dramatically, "chocolate, wine, a very fine bed, chocolate flavoured wine, peace and quiet - and me, and you"

"Oh yeah? I think I can cope with that." I smiled, sighing as he kissed the spot just behind my ear, "I think we should start with the wines"

"Alright, then after I want to smother you in chocolate and lick it off again"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"I can't keep doing this" Dean whined, staring around the new location.

"You heard what he said, we've got to play our parts." Sam replied with a sigh.

"I don't give a damn, this is bull," Dean growled, "And what's he done with Mav and Cas? Cas looked pretty beat when he showed, but we've not even _seen_ Mav around here."

Sam sighed, then furrowed his brow, a curious thought coming to mind. "Dean, every time we go up against this thing, Mav _never_ gets targeted. And, not like I don't trust her but, Mav doesn't always tell us everything. Maybe the Trickster is telling the truth"

Dean froze slightly while his brother had said that she 'doesn't always tell us everything'. But he continued, "And what? She's chilling somewhere eating chocolate? I don't trust him."

"Neither do I, but you've heard Mav joke about Tricksters before - maybe she _does_ know something she's not telling us."

Realisation struck Dean, along with a slight anger "Damn it" The older brother turned to look at his sibling, "What's she always saying? _'Just because I'm not saying anything doesn't mean I don't know'_. She knows the bloody Trickster doesn't she?"

Sam considered it for a moment, before nodding, "It would add up"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I dipped my fingers in the melted chocolate and smeared it across Gabriel's neck. I leant in, licking and sucking it off again. Gabriel hummed happily. I rested back, lying by his side - both of us had stripped down to our underwear some time ago. Taking my hand, he slowly sucked my fingers until there was no chocolate left. "I knew this was going to get messy" he said with a smirk.

I beamed, sufficiently distracted as my fingers trailed down his chest. "It's your fault, it was your idea"

He grinned and pushed me onto my back, dripping one finger in chocolate and using it to draw a large cartoony sun onto my stomach, smiley face included. He sat between by legs, leaning over me as he kissed and licked and bit and sucked the chocolate off my skin. I moaned quietly as the heat from his lips pressed against my tummy. I tangled my fingers gently in his hair, my other hand on his arm. I watched him gently remove all traces of chocolate from me before sitting up again, crawling over me and kissing me, the taste of chocolate still on his lips.

I sat up, my hands on his waist, eyes locked. Gabriel's honey coloured eyes captivated me. He said, "One of these days I'm taking you away. It's just going to be us. We're going to go anywhere and everywhere, enjoy ourselves again. It's been _so_ long since we did that."

I smiled and buried my face in his chest, "I know. We'll go to London first - I miss London."

"It's a date" We curled up together, legs tangled, his arms around me. "You're going to be okay, I'm going to keep you safe, I promise Mav"

"Thank you Gabe" I said quietly, burying my head in his shoulder.

"It's okay, I'm here for you. Especially when it's Lucifer that's the problem"

I kissed his cheek, "You're wonderful, Gabe, you're brilliant"

"You know just this once, I'll refrain from making an egotistical comment."

I laughed quietly, "Thanks" He kissed me delicately, running his fingers through my hair. After a moment, I asked, "Gabe, honey?"

"Yeah?"

"What have you done to the Winchesters?"

He rolled his eyes, "Even _now_ they're ruining the mood."

"Gabe, they're my boys - what have you done? Please tell me you've not killed Dean again."

He sighed, "No-one's dead, sweetheart, I'm just teaching them a lesson."

"Which is?"

"They need to play their parts. Then all of this will be over, and we can go enjoy ourselves without fear of the apocalypse, or worse, Lucifer" I sighed and curled in tighter against him.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Gabriel stood in the centre of a ring of holy fire. The Winchesters had trapped him, threatened him, and in doing so thoroughly pissed me off. Gabriel had done so much for me, especially so recently, it got to me that they had tried to hurt him again. Gabriel had explained it all to them once they figured out that the man they knew as 'The Trickster' was actually an angel. He told them how he really was, what was really going on. "So where's Mav?" Sam asked sternly.

Gabe rolled his eyes, "Wherever she _wants_ to be"

I spoke seriously, "Which would be right here" I walked into the room and Sam and Dean turned to see me, relief showing on their faces. I walked right past them, through the flames to Gabriel's side. He smiled and I tip-toed up, kissing him on the cheek, his hands resting on my waist. I turned back to the boys, Gabe standing behind me, his arms across my stomach. "Go ahead, say something" I said boldly.

"You two…?"

"Know each other?" I said sarcastically, "Are friends?"

"_Very good_ friends" Gabriel added with a smirk.

"What's the problem Dean?" I asked bitterly. I could see it in his eyes, a mix of jealousy, confusion and anger.

"I don't get it. So you two are like that" he crossed his fingers over in gesture, "but you still quiet happily get into bed with me, and then with Sam?" He gestured to Sam and himself, "What, one guy not good enough for you?"

"Now now Dean, you never complained before." I retorted. Gabriel chuckled quietly, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Are _you're_ okay with that?" He asked Gabriel.

"I _encourage_ it. We're close, but I'm not the only one - I know that. Nothing to be _'not okay'_ with. As long as she's happy"

"Way to take the moral high ground" Sam snarked.

"Just 'cause you're jealous" Gabe mocked.

Dean took a start forward, but Sam caught his arm. "So you two have been together for…?"

"A _long_ time" I answered.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing." Gabe accused.

"Mm hm, okay honey" I muttered to him.

The look on Dean's face was one of utter disgust. I rubbed my thumb over the back of Gabriel's hand and he hugged me closer to him. "What's the problem, really Dean? This isn't about who I'm sleeping with, I know that and so do you. I get it, Gabe screwed around with you and Sam a few times, but no-one was actually hurt. And now, what? Jealously, anger, confusion - get over yourself, seriously. We've got bigger things to deal with than this"

"Yeah, like Lucifer - thanks for explaining that whole situation to us"

"What?" Sam asked.

"Ask her. It's not my place to say." Dean growled.

Gabe tensed, furious, "Don't you _dare_ blame this on her, it was _your_ brother who let him out, Dean. Now Mav has to deal with this crap because of it! She doesn't have to tell _you_ anything!" Gabriel stepped around me, all but screaming at Dean.

I took his hand, my eyes fixed down on the floor. I spoke quietly, but sternly, "Enough shouting Gabe, leave it, it's not worth it"

"Yeah, if you say so" he growled, wrapping an arm around me as he glared at the Winchesters, "No-one gets to talk to you like that"

"Yeah, it's okay - he's just pissed about everything. They're normally much nicer" I turned my head with the last sentence, flashing a look at the Winchesters. "Just relax, honey"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, brushing my hair back from my face. When he spoke, he was agitated, annoyed and upset; he looked back at Sam and Dean, "It's always going to be you two though. That's what you've got to understand - ever since Daddy flipped on the lights around here, us angels always knew it was going to end with you, _always_. Why do you think I took such an interest in you two? It all ends when one of you kills the other."

"No" Dean said, "That's not going to happen"

Gabriel shook his head slightly, "I'm sorry, but it _is_" he sighed, slumped his shoulders and took my hand again, "Guys, I _wish_ this were a tv show, easy answers, endings all wrapped up in a bow. But this is _real_, and it's going to end bloody for all of us, that's just how it's got to be." The Winchesters looked away, at the wall or the floor, trying not to catch our eyes. I knew Gabriel was right, I just hoped something else could work out. "All we can hope for is some of us get out better off than the others" he added, looking at me seriously. But then he put on a smile and looked back to Sam and Dean, "So, boys, now what? We going to stare at each other for the rest of eternity?" Gabe said, his sarcasm coming crashing back.

"Well _first_, you're going to bring back Cas, wherever you've stashed him"

"Oh am I?" He retorted.

"Yeah" Dean growled.

I elbowed him in the ribs, "_Gabe - _don't make this worse"

He sighed, "Okay" he smiled at me before clicking his fingers, making Cas appear. He looked dazed and confused for a moment before locking eyes on Gabriel, he took a step towards him, but Dean caught his attention, "Cas, you okay?" Dean asked.

"Yeah" he said, staring at Gabe and I, "Hello Gabriel" he growled.

"Hey Bro" Gabe replied cheerily. "How's the search for Daddy going? Let's guess, _awful_"

Cas glared. "Don't start" I warned him.

"We're leaving" Dean said, turning and walking away with Sam and Cas.

"What? You leaving your girl behind?" Gabe called mockingly. They didn't answer.

"I'll catch up with you in a few days - I've got the feeling each of you have a few choice words to say to me, so I'll wait until we've all cooled down a bit" I didn't like the arguing, if I left with them now I'd never hear the end of the anger from them, a few days apart would do a bit of good.

"Fine" Dean muttered lowly, he stopped at the door, turning back to us. "Gabriel, this isn't about some _prize fight_ between your brothers, or some _destiny_ that can't be stopped, this is about _you_ being _too afraid_ to stand up to _your own family_" Gabe stood stiffly beside me, I squeezed his hand, running my thumb over the back of his hand.

Dean shattered the fire alarm, setting of the sprinkler system in the warehouse. "Don't say I never did anything for you" he quipped before leaving with Sam and Cas, both of whom looked back over there shoulder at me as the left, their eyes meeting mine. Cas lingered a few moments longer.

We stood side by side like that until the fire went out. We were soaked to the skin, but Gabriel took care of that. "They're dicks" he muttered.

"Yeah, so are we though"

"Fair enough" he was distant, still staring into space.

I stepped round in front of him, trying to get him to look at me, "Gabe, are you alright? Talk to me."

"I'm fine Sweetheart," he said, trying to brush it off.

I took his hands, tugging his hands gently as I tried to get him to look at me, "No you're not. Gabriel, look at me - talk to me, please. Let's go, sit down and talk. You are _not_ okay. Just talk to me, please, Gabe"

He took a deep breath and sighed softly, "Just the trouble with my bros, a lot to get me down." He smiled sadly

"I know, but you can talk to me about it, right. I understand them too you know"

Finally he looked down at me, "I know, I know - just didn't want you dealing with my crap along with yours."

"And I have told you to stop doing that. I'll take everything you throw at me and more - and I _want_ to. I'm here for you"

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight as he buried his head in my shoulder. "Thank you, Mav, thank you so much"


	8. Interlude 3

Gabriel and I spent the next few days trying to relax, to forget about everything that was happening. We stayed in a hotel room, the whole time, not leaving at risk of running into some angel or demon, or worse, Lucifer. We warded the room. Gabriel clicked his fingers and we had anything we could ever need. We amused ourselves, trying not to think or talk to much about the situation at hand. Every now and again I would get a text from the Winchesters or from Crowley, but I wasn't getting much detail from either of them, the Winchesters were being vague and Crowley seemed preoccupied in Hell. Balthazar stopped in occasionally and kept in touch, but I wanted him to stay away - it was safer for him to stay away.

We were lounging across the queen sized bed, Gabriel idly playing with my hair. The room was quiet, calm and peaceful, at least at face value - both of us were tense, even though we didn't want to show it. We were putting on a brave face for each other's sake.

The loud obnoxious ringtone of my phone filled the room and I groaned quietly. Gabe stretched across the bed to the bedside table and picked it up, reading the caller ID. "It's Crowley, shall I tell him to piss off?" he said sweetly, a teasing grin on his face.

I rolled my eyes, "He wouldn't phone unless it was important, give it here" He passed me the phone and I answered, "Hi, Crowley, what's up?"

"Mavriel, Love?" He sounded tense.

"Yeah?"

"The Winchesters and Castiel have just come to see me."

"Okay, right...?"

"They've got the Colt now, and they're off planning to shoot Lucifer. I thought you should know." He said seriously.

I took a steadying breath, "Right, okay - do you know where they're off to now?"

"I believe they're joining the gang at Bobby Singer's house"

"Okay... Right, thank you, Crowley."

"Alright, Mav - just don't to anything foolish, Love, I don't want you getting hurt, alright."

"Yeah, I hear you."

"Alright, Love, just be careful, I'll see you later"

"Yeah, you too - see you later"

"See you later Love"

"Bye" I hung up, letting my hand drop to my stomach, still clutching my phone.

Softly, Gabe continued playing with my hair, "It was about the Winchesters, wasn't it?" I nodded, letting out a quiet sigh. "And you want to go and help them" It was a statement, not a question, he knew exactly what was running through my mind.

We sat up and I curled into him, "Sam and Dean, and everyone else, I want to try to help them. They... They don't know... I mean... I just... They've never experienced it like I have... They don't know..."

He kissed me gently, "You want to help them"

I nodded. Gabriel wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, leaning his forehead against my shoulder. With a steadying breath, he asked, "Where do you need me to take you?"


	9. Abandon All Hope (Pt 1)

I shouldn't have been there. Dean had told me to stay at the car, to avoid being any closer than I had to be. But something was wrong, I could tell, there was a twist in my gut and a thumping in my head, and the vague nausea I'd felt before was back. Cas had promised to come back every so often to keep me updated. He'd came once to say the town was full of Reapers, then he'd never came back. I heard the explosion and I just knew, Ellen and Jo... So I'd gone in.

Inside the town, the Reapers had ignored me, and all the Hellhounds had done was sniff at my legs as I walked by. There was a force in the place, pulling me out towards a field at the edge of the derelict town. I stared ahead of me as I walked; there were people falling to the ground, a huge group of them, once after the other, I could see Sam… and Lucifer.

I tried to turn back, only managing a few steps before bile rose in my throat and I vomited over the road. It was pretty clear - the only way I was going was forward. I watched as Cas disappear with Sam. I slowly approached _him_. I took a deep breath, tried to steady myself. He was right there. "L-Lucifer" I said quietly.

He spun on his heels. "Mavriel" I hadn't seen him in reality yet, not up close, not like this. There was manic joy in his eyes. He was still blond, with shorter hair now, still tall - still capable of looming over me.

I nodded, trembling, trying to keep my terror to myself. "I'm here, Lucifer, I'm here"

I'd barely blinked and he was in front of me, his hands on my arms. I flinched but he didn't seen to notice, "Oh my beautiful, beautiful lamb. How I've missed you." I could barely look him in the eye. I was shaking. "Hush, hush, it's alright - everything's okay. We're here, together, me and you, like before. It's okay, relax, relax" I met his eyes, and started to breath slower. "There we go." He said as he brushed his thumb over my cheek. He wanted me to relax, he'd told me to - so I had. I didn't want to relax.

I studied his face now he was so close. His vessel was strange to me, but his mannerisms were familiar - the pattern of his voice, what words he chose, they way he moved, they were all him. He wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me against his chest. "So beautiful" he whispered, leaning in to me, his hand cupped the back of my neck and he kissed me, softly. The power surge that ran through my body sent shivers down my spin and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I could feel it, the energy from Hell rushing into me.

There was a sound from behind him and he pulled away, taking a step back trailing his fingers over my cheek. He turned and smiled, but I couldn't see what at because he was standing in my way. "Oh hello Death" he said.

My heart skipped a beat.

There was a flash of light and Castiel appeared beside me, before I could call out, react in anyway, he put his hand on my arm and teleported us out. As he did I saw Lucifer look over his shoulder and smirk.

I now stood in Bobby's front room, frozen, arms by my side, my eyes unfocused as they stared down. Sam stood across from me, Cas stood beside me. I was trembling ever so slightly. _I'd given in._ He was so close, I'd felt him, and instead of running I gave in to him. I had no chance of escaping him. I suddenly realised I was going to vomit, "Get me a bucket" I chocked out, trying to hold it back. Immediately Cas was pushing a bucket into my hands. I puked violently into the bucket.

"Mav? She's back?" I heard Dean's voice from the next room. He came storming through and I saw him frown at my expression; lips parted, staring at the floor, stock still. Cas clicked his fingers and the bucket full of puke disappeared. Dean grabbed my shoulders, "What did I say?! _Stay at the impala!_ What did I tell you?! What the Hell happened?!"

I had flinched, hunched my shoulders, leaning back slightly, "Cas hadn't came back." I said quietly, not raising my head to look at him, I was still trembling "I was worried, I heard the explosion." Dean winced, his arms dropping to his side, cautiously I looked up, "I knew Jo and Ellen had… I had to go in."

"Lucifer had trapped me" Cas said, "He _knew_ you'd come if you got no word - he was drawing you out"

I turned sharply to look at him, pulling out of Dean's grip, "Well it worked then, didn't it" I spat, stepping away and sitting down on the edge of a chair, hunched forward I rubbed my face.

Bobby had been standing at the door with Sam, now he came further inside, "What did he do?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a sigh.

Bobby folded his arms, "When you were with him, what did he do to you?"

I shook my head, "Nothing - he told me how much he missed me, he didn't do anything to me"

"Mav, I can see your wings" Bobby said softly.

"What?" I stared up at him. No-one saw my wings, no human could unless I showed them - angels were slightly different, but Bobby shouldn't be able to...

"I can see them too" Dean added.

"Me too" said Sam.

Cas stepped forward, "There is an energy coming off you, Mavriel. An energy from Hell, more than there ever was before" he said darkly.

"So _what_?"

"Well why is it happening?" Bobby asked, forcefully.

"How am I meant to know?!" I half shouted. Everything in the room trembled. I froze in shock, having sat back I stared around.

"Did you just…?" Sam stared.

"I- I didn't mean to…" I stared round the room. "I- I... I just need to calm down a little" I breathed.

"Mav, you've never done that before - we've seen you pissed. This isn't normal" Dean said, standing back slightly.

I growled, "You have _never_ seen me pissed - you've seen me _irritated_. I haven't killed anyone in centuries, not in the way I _could_." I took a breath, "Dean I'm fueled by the power of Hell, I can use that to kill but I don't because I can't control it properly - I could wipe out an entire _city_ if I used it, especially now" Everyone was staring at me, preparing for the worst. I tried to slow my breathing, calm down. I closed my eyes, bowed my head, trembling. "It's Lucifer…" I breathed.

"What?" Dean crossed the room and knelt in front of me, "What did he do to you?"

I looked up at Dean and he looked me in the eyes, "Dean, I… I think being near him, maybe because he touched me he transferred more energy into me, I don't know."

"He _touched_ you?" he growled.

I recoiled, shaking my head, "Dean-"

"Come on," he said steadily, calmly, as he stood up, "Let's get you outside, take a breather" I nodded and stood, taking Dean's hand and following after him outside, not meeting anyone's eyes as they stared at me. Dean shut the door once we went outside. "Are you okay?" He asked seriously, holding my arms gently as he looked me in the eye.

"No" I answered quietly, my eyes watering.

"How do I fix it?" he asked genuinely, a plea in his eyes.

"I don't- I don't know"

Dean sighed, walking away a short distance, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's happening to you, Mav? You've seemed _off_ recently - something's not right with you"

I pushed his hands away, irritated by his inability to understand what was going on, "_You think?!_ Dean, _Lucifer_ is here, on _Earth_. Lucifer who _created me_ and has _power over me_ is on Earth, here, _with_ me and I'm freaked, okay. I'm not going to lie, _I loved him_ and he loved me but seeing him again, Dean it's obvious he's lost it! He's insane and- and he wants me back. What am I meant to do about that? He has control of me! He can control every choice I make! And I'm _scared_! Dean, I'm scared!" I gasped for breath, trembling where I stood.

Dean looked at me, full of sympathy. "You said he touched you" he said quietly.

"Yeah, and?" I said as my lip trembled.

"Mav, he's _Satan_, the _Devil_ \- did he hurt you?" Dean said protectively.

"No, no he wouldn't hurt me, Dean. Not me... wait, no... I'm... I'm getting confused. I- I'm... he has hurt me, but- but not then... he..." my head was pounding - it was like he was there, inside my mind, getting me to tell lies, making everything seem okay. It was terrified.

"Then what _did_ he do?" He stormed across to me, standing right in front of me.

"He kissed me Dean, _kissed_ me and _hugged_ me, that's all..."

"You let him?" He asked quietly.

"...yes"

"Why?"

I growled, rambling angrily, "It's Lucifer - you know, my _creator_, first Love, _only person who can make me do whatever he wants me to just by saying so!_ Do you honestly think I could find a logical thought being so close to him? Because I couldn't! All I could think was 'he's back, he's back' - I couldn't process it! Couldn't take a second and think, _'no wait this isn't right'_. Do you think I'm that _stupid?!_ I can feel my control fading when he's near, I know I couldn't stop him if I tried."

"He's manipulating you!"

"He doesn't know he's doing it! Or he does... I don't know, I don't... it's so confusing" I whimpered, "No! He doesn't know that I'm going to do what he wants because I can't say no! He just thinks that's who I am - loyal, dedicated to him and his cause. He doesn't know he's doing it _to me_!" The ground shook beneath my feet, the stacked cars began to tremble, their windows cracking. I stood frozen, watching. "... I don't know what I'm saying... I don't know what's happening... Dean..."

"Mav, Mav, calm down, okay - calm down, relax"

I was gasping for breath, my vision became blurry, "Dean?"

~x~x~

I woke up lying across Bobby's sofa. I glanced around but there was no-one around. I sat up stiffly, looking down at the cuts and scratches all over my arms. _What had I done?_

"Mavriel" I twisted to see Cas, walking in, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore... What happened?" I asked reluctantly.

"You… um, you sent a high pressure wave of energy out from your body, it was… destructive."

I sat up, wincing in pain, "Is Dean okay?"

"He was hurt, but he's recovering well"

I panicked, "What happened? What- what did I do to him?"

Mavriel, listen to me - you did nothing to Dean, this was no your fault... He was thrown back into a car and broke some ribs but I healed him, he is sleeping now"

I cringed, screwing my eyes shut for a moment, "Okay, okay... Is everything alright? Did anyone else get hurt?"

"No, no-one else was hurt, the windows at the back of the house were broken and a few cars were crushed but that was all. Everyone else is asleep, Mavriel - it's 4am, I think you should go back to sleep now."

I sighed. "I'm sorry"

"What for?"

I looked up at him, "What happened, I'm sorry, it- I did this. It's on me"

"No, no it's not" Cas sat by my side, "This is _Lucifer's_ fault, not yours. You are a _victim_ in this, don't blame yourself, Mavriel" I couldn't look at him, instead I stared at the carpet, my eyes following the pattern. "Mavriel" Cas said again, slowly I began to look up, "please do not put blame for Lucifer's mistakes on you, they are not yours to take. You are innocent of Lucifer's sins." He hesitated a moment but reached out and held my hand.

"Thanks Cas"

He smiled kindly, "You're welcome, just please stop feeling guilty because of what Lucifer has done."

"I'll try"

"You should sleep. I shall watch over you"

"No, Cas, it's fine"

He insisted, "You were sleeping fitfully before, I will make sure you get some proper rest."

I sighed, but smiled, "Thank you Cas" He hugged me close. I ended up curled up on the sofa, on my side, resting my head on Castiel's leg. He put his coat over me and within a few minutes, I had quickly fallen asleep again.

XXX

The next day I spent most of the time trying to regain my strength. I tried to explain what had happened from my perspective, but... even my thoughts and memories were mixed up from then. Dean held no grudge, of course. Cas did what he could to heal me and make me comfortable. Sam spent most of the day by my side, looking after me, keeping me company, helping me try to figure out what had happened.

We stayed a few days at Bobby's before I urged Dean to go out on a hunt. I felt trapped in Bobby's by what had happened, Jo and Ellen, and me going to Lucifer and the damage I'd caused. I needed out, and I knew the boys did too.


	10. Abandon All Hope (Pt 2)

I shouldn't have been there. Dean had told me to stay at the car, to avoid being any closer than I had to be. But something was wrong, I could tell, there was a twist in my gut and a thumping in my head, and the vague nausea I'd felt before was back. Cas had promised to come back every so often to keep me updated. He'd came once to say the town was full of Reapers, then he'd never came back. I heard the explosion and I just knew, Ellen and Jo... So I'd gone in.

Inside the town, the Reapers had ignored me, and all the Hellhounds had done was sniff at my legs as I walked by. There was a force in the place, pulling me out towards a field at the edge of the derelict town. I stared ahead of me as I walked; there were people falling to the ground, a huge group of them, once after the other, I could see Sam… and Lucifer.

I tried to turn back, only managing a few steps before bile rose in my throat and I vomited over the road. It was pretty clear - the only way I was going was forward. I watched as Cas disappear with Sam. I slowly approached _him_. I took a deep breath, tried to steady myself. He was right there. "L-Lucifer" I said quietly.

He spun on his heels. "Mavriel" I hadn't seen him in reality yet, not up close, not like this. There was manic joy in his eyes. He was still blond, with shorter hair now, still tall - still capable of looming over me.

I nodded, trembling, trying to keep my terror to myself. "I'm here, Lucifer, I'm here"

I'd barely blinked and he was in front of me, his hands on my arms. I flinched but he didn't seen to notice, "Oh my beautiful, beautiful lamb. How I've missed you." I could barely look him in the eye. I was shaking. "Hush, hush, it's alright - everything's okay. We're here, together, me and you, like before. It's okay, relax, relax" I met his eyes, and started to breath slower. "There we go." He said as he brushed his thumb over my cheek. He wanted me to relax, he'd told me to - so I had. I didn't want to relax.

I studied his face now he was so close. His vessel was strange to me, but his mannerisms were familiar - the pattern of his voice, what words he chose, they way he moved, they were all him. He wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me against his chest. "So beautiful" he whispered, leaning in to me, his hand cupped the back of my neck and he kissed me, softly. The power surge that ran through my body sent shivers down my spin and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I could feel it, the energy from Hell rushing into me.

There was a sound from behind him and he pulled away, taking a step back trailing his fingers over my cheek. He turned and smiled, but I couldn't see what at because he was standing in my way. "Oh hello Death" he said.

My heart skipped a beat.

There was a flash of light and Castiel appeared beside me, before I could call out, react in anyway, he put his hand on my arm and teleported us out. As he did I saw Lucifer look over his shoulder and smirk.

I now stood in Bobby's front room, frozen, arms by my side, my eyes unfocused as they stared down. Sam stood across from me, Cas stood beside me. I was trembling ever so slightly. _I'd given in._ He was so close, I'd felt him, and instead of running I gave in to him. I had no chance of escaping him. I suddenly realised I was going to vomit, "Get me a bucket" I chocked out, trying to hold it back. Immediately Cas was pushing a bucket into my hands. I puked violently into the bucket.

"Mav? She's back?" I heard Dean's voice from the next room. He came storming through and I saw him frown at my expression; lips parted, staring at the floor, stock still. Cas clicked his fingers and the bucket full of puke disappeared. Dean grabbed my shoulders, "What did I say?! _Stay at the impala!_ What did I tell you?! What the Hell happened?!"

I had flinched, hunched my shoulders, leaning back slightly, "Cas hadn't came back." I said quietly, not raising my head to look at him, I was still trembling "I was worried, I heard the explosion." Dean winced, his arms dropping to his side, cautiously I looked up, "I knew Jo and Ellen had… I had to go in."

"Lucifer had trapped me" Cas said, "He _knew_ you'd come if you got no word - he was drawing you out"

I turned sharply to look at him, pulling out of Dean's grip, "Well it worked then, didn't it" I spat, stepping away and sitting down on the edge of a chair, hunched forward I rubbed my face.

Bobby had been standing at the door with Sam, now he came further inside, "What did he do?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a sigh.

Bobby folded his arms, "When you were with him, what did he do to you?"

I shook my head, "Nothing - he told me how much he missed me, he didn't do anything to me"

"Mav, I can see your wings" Bobby said softly.

"What?" I stared up at him. No-one saw my wings, no human could unless I showed them - angels were slightly different, but Bobby shouldn't be able to...

"I can see them too" Dean added.

"Me too" said Sam.

Cas stepped forward, "There is an energy coming off you, Mavriel. An energy from Hell, more than there ever was before" he said darkly.

"So _what_?"

"Well why is it happening?" Bobby asked, forcefully.

"How am I meant to know?!" I half shouted. Everything in the room trembled. I froze in shock, having sat back I stared around.

"Did you just…?" Sam stared.

"I- I didn't mean to…" I stared round the room. "I- I... I just need to calm down a little" I breathed.

"Mav, you've never done that before - we've seen you pissed. This isn't normal" Dean said, standing back slightly.

I growled, "You have _never_ seen me pissed - you've seen me _irritated_. I haven't killed anyone in centuries, not in the way I _could_." I took a breath, "Dean I'm fueled by the power of Hell, I can use that to kill but I don't because I can't control it properly - I could wipe out an entire _city_ if I used it, especially now" Everyone was staring at me, preparing for the worst. I tried to slow my breathing, calm down. I closed my eyes, bowed my head, trembling. "It's Lucifer…" I breathed.

"What?" Dean crossed the room and knelt in front of me, "What did he do to you?"

I looked up at Dean and he looked me in the eyes, "Dean, I… I think being near him, maybe because he touched me he transferred more energy into me, I don't know."

"He _touched_ you?" he growled.

I recoiled, shaking my head, "Dean-"

"Come on," he said steadily, calmly, as he stood up, "Let's get you outside, take a breather" I nodded and stood, taking Dean's hand and following after him outside, not meeting anyone's eyes as they stared at me. Dean shut the door once we went outside. "Are you okay?" He asked seriously, holding my arms gently as he looked me in the eye.

"No" I answered quietly, my eyes watering.

"How do I fix it?" he asked genuinely, a plea in his eyes.

"I don't- I don't know"

Dean sighed, walking away a short distance, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's happening to you, Mav? You've seemed _off_ recently - something's not right with you"

I pushed his hands away, irritated by his inability to understand what was going on, "_You think?!_ Dean, _Lucifer_ is here, on _Earth_. Lucifer who _created me_ and has _power over me_ is on Earth, here, _with_ me and I'm freaked, okay. I'm not going to lie, _I loved him_ and he loved me but seeing him again, Dean it's obvious he's lost it! He's insane and- and he wants me back. What am I meant to do about that? He has control of me! He can control every choice I make! And I'm _scared_! Dean, I'm scared!" I gasped for breath, trembling where I stood.

Dean looked at me, full of sympathy. "You said he touched you" he said quietly.

"Yeah, and?" I said as my lip trembled.

"Mav, he's _Satan_, the _Devil_ \- did he hurt you?" Dean said protectively.

"No, no he wouldn't hurt me, Dean. Not me... wait, no... I'm... I'm getting confused. I- I'm... he has hurt me, but- but not then... he..." my head was pounding - it was like he was there, inside my mind, getting me to tell lies, making everything seem okay. It was terrified.

"Then what _did_ he do?" He stormed across to me, standing right in front of me.

"He kissed me Dean, _kissed_ me and _hugged_ me, that's all..."

"You let him?" He asked quietly.

"...yes"

"Why?"

I growled, rambling angrily, "It's Lucifer - you know, my _creator_, first Love, _only person who can make me do whatever he wants me to just by saying so!_ Do you honestly think I could find a logical thought being so close to him? Because I couldn't! All I could think was 'he's back, he's back' - I couldn't process it! Couldn't take a second and think, _'no wait this isn't right'_. Do you think I'm that _stupid?!_ I can feel my control fading when he's near, I know I couldn't stop him if I tried."

"He's manipulating you!"

"He doesn't know he's doing it! Or he does... I don't know, I don't... it's so confusing" I whimpered, "No! He doesn't know that I'm going to do what he wants because I can't say no! He just thinks that's who I am - loyal, dedicated to him and his cause. He doesn't know he's doing it _to me_!" The ground shook beneath my feet, the stacked cars began to tremble, their windows cracking. I stood frozen, watching. "... I don't know what I'm saying... I don't know what's happening... Dean..."

"Mav, Mav, calm down, okay - calm down, relax"

I was gasping for breath, my vision became blurry, "Dean?"

~x~x~

I woke up lying across Bobby's sofa. I glanced around but there was no-one around. I sat up stiffly, looking down at the cuts and scratches all over my arms. _What had I done?_

"Mavriel" I twisted to see Cas, walking in, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore... What happened?" I asked reluctantly.

"You… um, you sent a high pressure wave of energy out from your body, it was… destructive."

I sat up, wincing in pain, "Is Dean okay?"

"He was hurt, but he's recovering well"

I panicked, "What happened? What- what did I do to him?"

Mavriel, listen to me - you did nothing to Dean, this was no your fault... He was thrown back into a car and broke some ribs but I healed him, he is sleeping now"

I cringed, screwing my eyes shut for a moment, "Okay, okay... Is everything alright? Did anyone else get hurt?"

"No, no-one else was hurt, the windows at the back of the house were broken and a few cars were crushed but that was all. Everyone else is asleep, Mavriel - it's 4am, I think you should go back to sleep now."

I sighed. "I'm sorry"

"What for?"

I looked up at him, "What happened, I'm sorry, it- I did this. It's on me"

"No, no it's not" Cas sat by my side, "This is _Lucifer's_ fault, not yours. You are a _victim_ in this, don't blame yourself, Mavriel" I couldn't look at him, instead I stared at the carpet, my eyes following the pattern. "Mavriel" Cas said again, slowly I began to look up, "please do not put blame for Lucifer's mistakes on you, they are not yours to take. You are innocent of Lucifer's sins." He hesitated a moment but reached out and held my hand.

"Thanks Cas"

He smiled kindly, "You're welcome, just please stop feeling guilty because of what Lucifer has done."

"I'll try"

"You should sleep. I shall watch over you"

"No, Cas, it's fine"

He insisted, "You were sleeping fitfully before, I will make sure you get some proper rest."

I sighed, but smiled, "Thank you Cas" He hugged me close. I ended up curled up on the sofa, on my side, resting my head on Castiel's leg. He put his coat over me and within a few minutes, I had quickly fallen asleep again.

XXX

The next day I spent most of the time trying to regain my strength. I tried to explain what had happened from my perspective, but... even my thoughts and memories were mixed up from then. Dean held no grudge, of course. Cas did what he could to heal me and make me comfortable. Sam spent most of the day by my side, looking after me, keeping me company, helping me try to figure out what had happened.

We stayed a few days at Bobby's before I urged Dean to go out on a hunt. I felt trapped in Bobby's by what had happened, Jo and Ellen, and me going to Lucifer and the damage I'd caused. I needed out, and I knew the boys did too.


	11. 99 Problems

I barely spoke the next day. I could feel Michael's grace clinging to me; it was like I was a seabird drowning in oil slick, and I couldn't be free of it. There was a guilt settled deep in my chest - I shouldn't have spoken to Lucifer, I shouldn't have confided in him.

Dean had been furious with the whole situation when he'd woke- he wanted to help, he really did but he had no idea how to do so. He wanted to hug me, hold me tight and protect me, but every time he touched me I flinched away, it wasn't his fault, but Dean looked so much like his father, especially when John had been young... It was wrong of me, but at that moment I couldn't look past it. I told him I was sorry every time I winced at his touch, but I was reluctant to explain why.

Sam looked more like Mary, it didn't phase me when he gently rubbed my arm or wrapped his arm around me. But eventually it got to the point where Dean was near distress thinking he'd done something wrong, and I had to tell him, tears fell from my eyes as I explained and the conversation trailed off as we hugged; i cried into his shoulder and though I never saw it, Dean had tears down his cheeks too.

Gabriel had obviously retreated to Balthazar's, telling the other angel all that had happened. He told Balthazar he knew he'd made a mistake, that he was sorry for how he'd reacted to me, and Balathazar relayed to me every word. But there was nothing anyone could say that would make me forgive Gabriel for how he'd acted.

"Mav" Sam had said, coming over to Dean and I, sitting side by side, arms around each other, "look, we're thinking of heading to another hunt, it's just, neither of us want you to get hurt, you're not in the right mind for it, you know, we don't want to put you in danger, it's just..."

"I know" I nodded, "I'm not good to go on a hunt just now, Sam, it's okay" I told him softly.

The boys hugged me, comforting me as best they could, neither wanting to leave me in the state I was in, though I was trying to hide how bad I was really feeling.

I organised for Balthazar to come and get me, and he was more than happy to do so.

~x~x~

The boys left and almost the second they were out of sight, Balthazar was there in front of me, giving me a moment before hugging me tight. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I clung onto him.

The next few days I mostly spent in silence. Balthazar didn't need reassuring, he didn't need me to tell him that I was okay, that I'd get over it - he knew that those were lies, he knew this would stay with me for a very, very long time, that it would change me slightly in one way or another. I didn't feel the need to hide my hurt from Balthazar, I didn't need to hold back from him; he knew what I was feeling, he knew how it was affecting me - he'd known me for so long that it was as clear as if I'd said it aloud.

After that first day, I began to vent. I told Balthazar everything that had happened, every detail - and about Lucifer's reappearance after I'd gone to Sam, which the Winchester's knew nothing about.

Balthazar, my oldest friend, knew well enough when I needed held close or left alone, when he should prompt me to eat or sleep. I was a state, an absolute wreck now that I wasn't holding back to spare the boys. Most of the time I didn't know what I wanted, but I was set in one thing alone - the only person I wanted to have anywhere near me was Balthazar. And while my nightmare's were overwhelmed my Michael, there was one person on my mind; I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I saw Gabriel at that moment.


	12. Interlude 4

I barely spoke the next day. I could feel Michael's grace clinging to me; it was like I was a seabird drowning in oil slick, and I couldn't be free of it. There was a guilt settled deep in my chest - I shouldn't have spoken to Lucifer, I shouldn't have confided in him.

Dean had been furious with the whole situation when he'd woke- he wanted to help, he really did but he had no idea how to do so. He wanted to hug me, hold me tight and protect me, but every time he touched me I flinched away, it wasn't his fault, but Dean looked so much like his father, especially when John had been young... It was wrong of me, but at that moment I couldn't look past it. I told him I was sorry every time I winced at his touch, but I was reluctant to explain why.

Sam looked more like Mary, it didn't phase me when he gently rubbed my arm or wrapped his arm around me. But eventually it got to the point where Dean was near distress thinking he'd done something wrong, and I had to tell him, tears fell from my eyes as I explained and the conversation trailed off as we hugged; i cried into his shoulder and though I never saw it, Dean had tears down his cheeks too.

Gabriel had obviously retreated to Balthazar's, telling the other angel all that had happened. He told Balthazar he knew he'd made a mistake, that he was sorry for how he'd reacted to me, and Balathazar relayed to me every word. But there was nothing anyone could say that would make me forgive Gabriel for how he'd acted.

"Mav" Sam had said, coming over to Dean and I, sitting side by side, arms around each other, "look, we're thinking of heading to another hunt, it's just, neither of us want you to get hurt, you're not in the right mind for it, you know, we don't want to put you in danger, it's just..."

"I know" I nodded, "I'm not good to go on a hunt just now, Sam, it's okay" I told him softly.

The boys hugged me, comforting me as best they could, neither wanting to leave me in the state I was in, though I was trying to hide how bad I was really feeling.

I organised for Balthazar to come and get me, and he was more than happy to do so.

~x~x~

The boys left and almost the second they were out of sight, Balthazar was there in front of me, giving me a moment before hugging me tight. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I clung onto him.

The next few days I mostly spent in silence. Balthazar didn't need reassuring, he didn't need me to tell him that I was okay, that I'd get over it - he knew that those were lies, he knew this would stay with me for a very, very long time, that it would change me slightly in one way or another. I didn't feel the need to hide my hurt from Balthazar, I didn't need to hold back from him; he knew what I was feeling, he knew how it was affecting me - he'd known me for so long that it was as clear as if I'd said it aloud.

After that first day, I began to vent. I told Balthazar everything that had happened, every detail - and about Lucifer's reappearance after I'd gone to Sam, which the Winchester's knew nothing about.

Balthazar, my oldest friend, knew well enough when I needed held close or left alone, when he should prompt me to eat or sleep. I was a state, an absolute wreck now that I wasn't holding back to spare the boys. Most of the time I didn't know what I wanted, but I was set in one thing alone - the only person I wanted to have anywhere near me was Balthazar. And while my nightmare's were overwhelmed my Michael, there was one person on my mind; I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I saw Gabriel at that moment.


	13. Hammer Of The Gods

They took me back to Bobby's and cleaned and bandaged me up. I sat in one of the spare rooms in Bobby's, staring ahead of me at the wall. The scene was playing over and over again in my head.

_\- "He could never look after you" Gabriel's voice rang in my ears as he'd screamed at Lucifer, "he could never love you properly"_

_Lucifer's aggressive reply "And you could?!" -_

I winced slightly, biting down hard on my lip. I stopped crying once I was back in the Impala, every emotion seemed to have vanished from me. Nothing seemed to be real - I felt like any second I'd wake up from this nightmare. But I knew I couldn't - everything hurt far to much for this not to be real.

_\- The imagine of Lucifer standing over me flooded my mind, he hauled me to my feel, ordering "Get out of here before you get hurt." -_

_\- "Mavriel" the gentle way Gabriel had said my name, the plea in his voice "please, I don't want to see you get hurt" -_

Gabriel. Oh God, Gabriel. How... _Why...? _Surely he was more important than me, surely. Then why had he...?

Gabriel was gone. How could Gabriel be gone? He was so strong, he, he... He was an archangel, the Trickster, he was Gabriel... he couldn't just die! But... he had. Gabriel was dead.

_\- I laid on my side, Gabriel beside me, blood blossoming on his stomach. Gabriel had healed me, saved me,_ _"Don't do this, don't die_ _for me" I'd begged. -_

I needed to go see Balthazar, I had to be the one to tell him - I couldn't just let him find out. I pushed myself up to standing, my back aching in pain. Slowly I made my way downstairs, leaning heavily on the rail. As I came into sight everyone in the room turned to look at me; Bobby, Cas, Sam and Dean. Cas stepped forward towards me, "Mavriel, you should be resting." He looked concerned, seeing me in pain as I moved; he'd healed me as best he could, but we had to face the facts - I'd been burnt by the wings of an archangel. Some wounds might never heal.

"I need to go - there's someone I need to go see" I said quietly.

"Who?"

"Balthazar" I swallowed, "Cas, I need to see him, he needs to know"

"I could go to him" he said, almost pleading me to rest and recover.

"No. I have to do it," my bottom lip trembled, tears forming in the corners of my eyes, "It has to be me, please"

He nodded, "I understand. Have you called him yet?"

"Not yet"

"Come have a seat, I will call on him"

"Thank you, but it's just... I don't want him involved with the Winchesters, he doesn't need to be dragged into his"

Cas nodded, gently placing his hand on my lower back and leading me to take a seat, Dean smiled at me, careful as he gently teased me, "You wanting our company now? Ready to let us into the conversation?"

A smile struggled across my lips and I nodded, wiping tears that had slowly started to fall. I'd explained exactly what had happened between Gabriel, Lucifer and I on the way back to Bobby's, how Gabriel had sacrificed his life for mine. And I felt so guilty - I didn't deserve to live if it meant that he had to die. I quickly told them that I had to go - immediately they protested, but Bobby could see how serous I was, and talked them round.

Cas stepped back into the room, having gone out for a moment, "He's here now Mavriel" The others looked in confusion as I nodded and stood. Sam and Dean stood too, giving me careful hugs and making me swear to check in every few hours, which I agreed to before quickly hugging Bobby and then turning to Cas.

He held out a hand to me, and I took it in mine. He walked me to the front door, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. "I haven't told Balthazar anything" he told me, "I just said that you needed to leave - you can tell him yourself what has happened."

"Thank you Cas" I hugged him tight, preparing myself for what had to be done. He hugged me carefully.

I opened the door and stepped outside, Cas closed it behind me.

Balthazar smiled at me sweetly, he took my hand and said, "Come on then" He had no idea.

~x~x~

Balthazar broke down when I told him. I broke down again when I explained exactly what had happened. We held each other and cried, we cried for so long. We didn't know what we were supposed to do - how we were supposed to go on from here. Eventually I cried myself to sleep in Balthazar's arms. He did me the favour of answering my phone while I slept keeping the Winchesters at bay, also texting Crowley to inform him of what had happened, how I was coping.

I total I only slept for two hours but it was long enough - afterwards I couldn't get back to sleep anyway. We mourned Gabriel, crying as we reminisced and shared stories that the other hadn't been present for. Though there were tears in our eyes, we laughed as we sent each other copies of pictures from our phones. We missed him so much.

But of course, the others needed me, and in my heart of hearts I knew it was right to go and help them. I needed to be a part of this - no matter what.

Balthazar dropped me back at Bobby's once I'd 100% made up my mind to go back. He was panicky, but Castiel swore to keep him in the loop. Balthazar didn't want me out of his sight - he'd nearly started a full blown fight with Cas when he'd come to pick me up. It took a lot to talk him round, but in the end, I went.


	14. Interlude 5

"So it's Detroit?" I asked Dean tiredly - I'd barely slept. There was a thick roll of bandages round my torso, and my eyes were still red from crying yet again. I was tired, in general - devastated.

"Detroit" Dean nodded. He barely glanced at me before looking back down, not wanting to look at me. It seemed I was a constant reminder of everything that had and could go wrong.

"Look Dean, you know what's going to happen if I get to close to him. So," I sighed, "I'll make my own way to Detroit, meet you there, so you lot can discuss stuff without me over hearing." Dean started to protest, but I stopped him, "No, Dean, because if I know something and _he_ asks me I won't be able to lie, so we stay separate for now. Phone me when you get there." I could hear my own exhaustion in my voice, how hollow I sounded.

Eventually he nodded.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I got Cas to take me to Detroit, even though I knew it would be against his better wishes. He stood there in front of me, frowning sadly, "Do you have to do this? You could stay behind - stay safe" I shook my head, of course I had to do this, he knew that. This was Lucifer, all this was Lucifer so I had to go ahead and do what I could. I text Balthazar, telling him what was going on - and that that was the last text I'd be sending on that number, because as soon as the text was send, I crushed the phone beneath my foot. He wouldn't be happy with that, but I had to do it. If this was the last few moments of freedom I had, I had to use them right.

I wish I could say I struggled to find my way to the others when I started looking, but it was the easiest of things. I turned the corner and spotted Cas and Bobby. They saw me too, the look on both their faces giving away every feeling in their minds. Bobby looked sad, nervous, and Cas, he looked sorrowful, pitiful, and afraid. We said nothing for a while, staring at the building I just knew that Sam and Dean were in with Lucifer. Bobby confirmed it, pointing out the building to me.

"He's in there" I muttered.

"Yeah" Bobby said with a sigh.

"I can feel him" I said. I could feel him calling me, telling me to come to him. It felt like there was a chain anchored in my heart, with every second Lucifer was tugging at it with more and more force. This was different, more forceful than before - a stronger calling, a deeper force. I knew this was going to be worse than anything else. The longer I tried to stay put, the worse I felt, my head began to pound and I started to tremble, soon I started to retch.

"You should go" Cas said quietly. I turned to look at him, to tell him I was fine but he cut me off, "You look like you're ready to collapse. We won't blame you for going to him, it's not your fault, you can't control it. It will kill you to stay away, Mavriel. We'll get you back"

"Cas..." my head was splitting.

He looked at me pitifully, "Your nose is bleeding, so are your ears," I raised my hand to my face, staring at the blood that was left on my fingers once I'd pulled away "You can barely stand straight, Mavriel, you _need_ to go"

"Go on, kid" Bobby reassured me "it'll be okay, you need to go to him"

"I don't _want_ to" I whimpered, Cas came to me, standing close, "I don't want to leave _you_, I don't want to _go against_ you. _I don't want to go to him_"

But as I finished speaking, my balance went. I stumbled forward, my vision blurring. Cas caught me in his arms, supporting me. "You need to, for your own safety you need to leave. You are innocent of anything you think you deserve to be punished for by doing this. Go to him, it's alright"

Bobby looked at me seriously, "Mav, we'll get you back - the same as Sam, same as Dean and Cas and any of us. You're one of the group - part of the family, and whatever happens, what he does don't you forget that"

Calm wasn't really the emotion I felt, but it was close to that. There were tears in my eyes when I nodded, turning from them to the building where Sam, Dean and Lucifer were. I climbed the stairs on autopilot; my mind knew exactly where to take me. Tears and blood ran down my face as I walked into the room, "I'm sorry Sam, Dean – I tried..."

Their eyes widened in shock when the saw me. I was pale, blood running down my face, as well as tears. Past them I could see Lucifer staring, "Come here, lamb" he said gentle. Each step seemed to last forever as I walked past the Winchesters to him. I dropped my head when I stopped, a few feet from his side. He cupped my cheeks, tilting my face back for him to see. "Tut tut, why did you stay away so long when I was calling you? _This_ is what happens when you refuse your nature, you get hurt" as his thumbs stroked my cheeks the blood vanished from my face. Slowly it began to dawn on me; oh what had I done. I'd been so wrong - how could I ever have thought that he didn't know what he was doing this whole time? _Part of the family. _The words echoed in my head.

He turned to face the brothers, "Now, Sam, where were we? Ah, yes, a fiddle of gold against your souls says you're going to lose our little mental battle. So what will it be?"

"Yes"

I shut my eyes as the room flooded with light and sound. Once it had dissipated I realised I couldn't speak, I couldn't warn them- Dean that he was still there, in control. The strange calm left me, and agonizing panic took place. I tried to move, to push Dean out the door and into safety, but I couldn't move either. I watched Dean open the portal to the Cage, watched Lucifer in Sam's body screw with Dean and close the portal. "I told you this would always happen in Detroit" Lucifer told Dean. I felt fresh tears roll down my cheeks. I watched on as Sam, as Lucifer turned from Dean to me, giving me a sickening smile, "Now, come Lamb" he said softly, "Let's go"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Lucifer took me away with him. He changed me, kissed me, brushed my hair, brought me into him. He took gentle care of me in a way that made my skin crawl. He put me in a dress of his choosing, he'd styled my hair - and I had never felt such a hatred of my own appearance as I did then. When he took me to the cemetery he softly told me to kneel and stay quiet, kissing my forehead, sam's long soft hair brushing my face. I wanted to throw up. Michael didn't take long to show face, just not the face I was expecting to see, especially after his intrusion before - Adam, poor Adam, had been dragged into this. Michael in Adam's form was wrong; the youngest, smallest Winchester by blood, housing the almighty archangel. But it would have been so much worse if it had been Dean.

I watch Lucifer and Michael argue in Sam and Adam's bodies. I watched silently, kneeling on the ground behind Lucifer, unmoving, just a little way off. There was nothing I could do but watch. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to get to my feet and scream and fight and I _so_ wanted to kill him.

Then I heard the Impala.

My head snapped up and the slightest glimmer of hope rose within me, as irrational as it was. I had started to cry as soon as I'd seen Dean get out of that car. I saw Cas and Bobby sneak up behind the angels, next to me. _Run_, I begged mentally, _get away, please_. But I wasn't allowed to speak. I sobbed silently as I watched Cas die, as I watched Bobby die. I watched on in silence as Lucifer laid into Dean and I could do nothing. I could do nothing so I cried, _silently_, the only way I could. I cried as Sam fought through against Lucifer, as he opened the portal, as he and Michael fell into the pit.

And Dean watched.

"I'm sorry" I rasped as Dean knelt at the ground where the portal had been. He looked at me for a second before Cas suddenly appeared between us, back from the dead. I stared at him as he healed Dean and brought Bobby back too. He looked at me, sympathetically, before coming to my side and gently helping me to my feet. I was unsteady, lightheaded. I clung onto him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm..." I whispered on and on, the only words that would come out of my mouth.

"It wasn't your fault." Cas said firmly.

"I... I'm s-sorry" tears hadn't stopped running down my face. I couldn't look either of them in the eye

Dean stood, "Mav" I could barely look at him, "come here" he said softly, meeting me in the middle as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. He cried silently into my shoulder and I clung on to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm s-sorry..."


	15. Swan Song

"So it's Detroit?" I asked Dean tiredly - I'd barely slept. There was a thick roll of bandages round my torso, and my eyes were still red from crying yet again. I was tired, in general - devastated.

"Detroit" Dean nodded. He barely glanced at me before looking back down, not wanting to look at me. It seemed I was a constant reminder of everything that had and could go wrong.

"Look Dean, you know what's going to happen if I get to close to him. So," I sighed, "I'll make my own way to Detroit, meet you there, so you lot can discuss stuff without me over hearing." Dean started to protest, but I stopped him, "No, Dean, because if I know something and _he_ asks me I won't be able to lie, so we stay separate for now. Phone me when you get there." I could hear my own exhaustion in my voice, how hollow I sounded.

Eventually he nodded.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I got Cas to take me to Detroit, even though I knew it would be against his better wishes. He stood there in front of me, frowning sadly, "Do you have to do this? You could stay behind - stay safe" I shook my head, of course I had to do this, he knew that. This was Lucifer, all this was Lucifer so I had to go ahead and do what I could. I text Balthazar, telling him what was going on - and that that was the last text I'd be sending on that number, because as soon as the text was send, I crushed the phone beneath my foot. He wouldn't be happy with that, but I had to do it. If this was the last few moments of freedom I had, I had to use them right.

I wish I could say I struggled to find my way to the others when I started looking, but it was the easiest of things. I turned the corner and spotted Cas and Bobby. They saw me too, the look on both their faces giving away every feeling in their minds. Bobby looked sad, nervous, and Cas, he looked sorrowful, pitiful, and afraid. We said nothing for a while, staring at the building I just knew that Sam and Dean were in with Lucifer. Bobby confirmed it, pointing out the building to me.

"He's in there" I muttered.

"Yeah" Bobby said with a sigh.

"I can feel him" I said. I could feel him calling me, telling me to come to him. It felt like there was a chain anchored in my heart, with every second Lucifer was tugging at it with more and more force. This was different, more forceful than before - a stronger calling, a deeper force. I knew this was going to be worse than anything else. The longer I tried to stay put, the worse I felt, my head began to pound and I started to tremble, soon I started to retch.

"You should go" Cas said quietly. I turned to look at him, to tell him I was fine but he cut me off, "You look like you're ready to collapse. We won't blame you for going to him, it's not your fault, you can't control it. It will kill you to stay away, Mavriel. We'll get you back"

"Cas..." my head was splitting.

He looked at me pitifully, "Your nose is bleeding, so are your ears," I raised my hand to my face, staring at the blood that was left on my fingers once I'd pulled away "You can barely stand straight, Mavriel, you _need_ to go"

"Go on, kid" Bobby reassured me "it'll be okay, you need to go to him"

"I don't _want_ to" I whimpered, Cas came to me, standing close, "I don't want to leave _you_, I don't want to _go against_ you. _I don't want to go to him_"

But as I finished speaking, my balance went. I stumbled forward, my vision blurring. Cas caught me in his arms, supporting me. "You need to, for your own safety you need to leave. You are innocent of anything you think you deserve to be punished for by doing this. Go to him, it's alright"

Bobby looked at me seriously, "Mav, we'll get you back - the same as Sam, same as Dean and Cas and any of us. You're one of the group - part of the family, and whatever happens, what he does don't you forget that"

Calm wasn't really the emotion I felt, but it was close to that. There were tears in my eyes when I nodded, turning from them to the building where Sam, Dean and Lucifer were. I climbed the stairs on autopilot; my mind knew exactly where to take me. Tears and blood ran down my face as I walked into the room, "I'm sorry Sam, Dean – I tried..."

Their eyes widened in shock when the saw me. I was pale, blood running down my face, as well as tears. Past them I could see Lucifer staring, "Come here, lamb" he said gentle. Each step seemed to last forever as I walked past the Winchesters to him. I dropped my head when I stopped, a few feet from his side. He cupped my cheeks, tilting my face back for him to see. "Tut tut, why did you stay away so long when I was calling you? _This_ is what happens when you refuse your nature, you get hurt" as his thumbs stroked my cheeks the blood vanished from my face. Slowly it began to dawn on me; oh what had I done. I'd been so wrong - how could I ever have thought that he didn't know what he was doing this whole time? _Part of the family. _The words echoed in my head.

He turned to face the brothers, "Now, Sam, where were we? Ah, yes, a fiddle of gold against your souls says you're going to lose our little mental battle. So what will it be?"

"Yes"

I shut my eyes as the room flooded with light and sound. Once it had dissipated I realised I couldn't speak, I couldn't warn them- Dean that he was still there, in control. The strange calm left me, and agonizing panic took place. I tried to move, to push Dean out the door and into safety, but I couldn't move either. I watched Dean open the portal to the Cage, watched Lucifer in Sam's body screw with Dean and close the portal. "I told you this would always happen in Detroit" Lucifer told Dean. I felt fresh tears roll down my cheeks. I watched on as Sam, as Lucifer turned from Dean to me, giving me a sickening smile, "Now, come Lamb" he said softly, "Let's go"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Lucifer took me away with him. He changed me, kissed me, brushed my hair, brought me into him. He took gentle care of me in a way that made my skin crawl. He put me in a dress of his choosing, he'd styled my hair - and I had never felt such a hatred of my own appearance as I did then. When he took me to the cemetery he softly told me to kneel and stay quiet, kissing my forehead, sam's long soft hair brushing my face. I wanted to throw up. Michael didn't take long to show face, just not the face I was expecting to see, especially after his intrusion before - Adam, poor Adam, had been dragged into this. Michael in Adam's form was wrong; the youngest, smallest Winchester by blood, housing the almighty archangel. But it would have been so much worse if it had been Dean.

I watch Lucifer and Michael argue in Sam and Adam's bodies. I watched silently, kneeling on the ground behind Lucifer, unmoving, just a little way off. There was nothing I could do but watch. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to get to my feet and scream and fight and I _so_ wanted to kill him.

Then I heard the Impala.

My head snapped up and the slightest glimmer of hope rose within me, as irrational as it was. I had started to cry as soon as I'd seen Dean get out of that car. I saw Cas and Bobby sneak up behind the angels, next to me. _Run_, I begged mentally, _get away, please_. But I wasn't allowed to speak. I sobbed silently as I watched Cas die, as I watched Bobby die. I watched on in silence as Lucifer laid into Dean and I could do nothing. I could do nothing so I cried, _silently_, the only way I could. I cried as Sam fought through against Lucifer, as he opened the portal, as he and Michael fell into the pit.

And Dean watched.

"I'm sorry" I rasped as Dean knelt at the ground where the portal had been. He looked at me for a second before Cas suddenly appeared between us, back from the dead. I stared at him as he healed Dean and brought Bobby back too. He looked at me, sympathetically, before coming to my side and gently helping me to my feet. I was unsteady, lightheaded. I clung onto him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm..." I whispered on and on, the only words that would come out of my mouth.

"It wasn't your fault." Cas said firmly.

"I... I'm s-sorry" tears hadn't stopped running down my face. I couldn't look either of them in the eye

Dean stood, "Mav" I could barely look at him, "come here" he said softly, meeting me in the middle as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. He cried silently into my shoulder and I clung on to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm s-sorry..."


	16. index

This story is part of a series. In chronological order they are;

\- A New World

\- Considerate Crowley

\- Meeting The Winchesters

\- A Quiet Night In

\- Moose In Shining Armour

\- LuciferIsComing

\- To Become Hell's Queen

\- Becoming The Queen of Hell

\- It's A Hard Hell Life

No specific time:

\- Hugs

\- Wake Up Dean

There is also 'She has wings but she's no angel', which covers several seasons

I'll update this as I post more :)


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